Who am I?

In Life on January 23, 2015 by thebetweenthoughts

When you’re waiting at the Nashville airport at 4:45 AM on a Friday morning, you tend to have these types of existential thoughts.  It’s natural to present a different persona depending on the situation.  With friends…with family…with your wife (or future wife-to-be in my case)…with your coworkers…with your clients…they all see a different side of you.  We’re essentially just a collection of personalities housed within the same fleshy exterior.

At times like these though, I feel as if those in the “management consulting” profession are extreme examples of this phenomenon.  As a result of the demands of the job and the travel schedule, we’re literally leading two different lives.  From Monday to Thursday, I’m “professional” Alek – a client-facing, work-driven, objectives-focused lonely individual.  Friday to Sunday, I’m allowed to be “personal” Alek – someone who really just wants to relax and not give a shit about anything.  The Monday-Thursday period is interesting though, as consultants tend to live in this odd little bubble where everything is paid for, you have concierge services to help you out with anything, and you never have to wash your sheets.  It’s during this period where you’re the most alone in life though.  In a “foreign” place…alone in a hotel room…left only with work…or your own thoughts about life.

(Okay…this might just be me.  I remember when I lived alone in my studio, I would have conversations with myself without even really noticing.)

So amongst all of these personas, who is the real you?  Is the real you the collection of these personalities…or is there one true self hiding underneath it all?  At what point do we realize and understand who the true self is?

While doing stand-up, the person I was on-stage wasn’t really me…it was more of a caricature of me.  It helped to disassociate myself from the person telling jokes on-stage in order to deflect criticism, but also to not take the applause as anything more than a passing moment of adulation.

So, why have I decided to “re-enter” the blogosphere with a post about self?  I’m at a crossroads, and it’s always healthy to question the fundamentals in your life in order to give direction on the future.

The next time that you see yourself in the mirror – don’t just ask “who am I?”, but also “why am I?”.



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