Yes…this blog still exists!

In Life on April 25, 2012 by thebetweenthoughts

Congratulations for seeing this posting.  I’m guessing that you had probably forgotten all about this little blog (I haven’t…it’s been an unending source of creative guilt since its inception) and moved on to other more consistent and fulfilling avenues of internet entertainment.  I don’t blame you.  Really, I don’t (it still hurts a bit though…well, as much as one’s online ego can be damaged by a lack of  non-reciprocal attention).

I want to make it up to you though.  I’ve made these apologies and promises before, but this time (this time!), it’ll be different.  For my sanity (and your reading pleasure), I need to start unloading the thoughts in my head.  There’s a backup of creative, irrational, incendiary, emotional, thoughtful, pseudo-philosophical and political musings floating around my brain.

Let’s tip it over and see what comes out…

The more things change…

So I’m back in the consulting game again.  After nearly a year in my post-business school “career”, I’m realizing how much I hate my job and that I’d rather be writing.  A familiar refrain, isn’t it?  Five and half years ago, I moved to New York because I wanted to jump off the structured path to success and to try something completely new and fulfilling.  After a few years of flailing about in half-hearted attempts at creative pursuits, I jumped back on the path out of fear – fear of not being creatively skilled, fear of an unstable financial future, and fear of an uncertain life.

Most of the decisions in our life are fueled by our baser instincts.  We consider ourselves civilized when we can overcome them and reach a higher state of consciousness.  By making my initial move here, I may have deluded myself into thinking that fear would never rule my life again.  What I’ve found though, is that the move may have just made this feeling ever more powerful.  By surrounding myself in an environment where success (financial and creative) abounds, I may have frightened myself back onto the traditional and well-worn path.

Will this frustration with my current professional activities cause me to overcome my basic instincts?  I hope so.

What happened to our political enthusiasm?  Four years ago, the country was energized by and engaged with the political process.  We had a President who could inspire, who made us believe that the country could change, and who convinced us that things would be different.  Now that we’re back in the election cycle, we’re left wondering what happened to those promises.  Now, this isn’t an endorsement of Romney (aka, the lesser of the Republican evils) nor is it a condemnation of Obama, but I’m just confused as to what happened.   What happened to that feeling of hope?  Are we destined to live in this political morass?  Is there a way to design a system that works?

“It’s so hard to forget pain, but it’s even harder to remember sweetness. We have no scar to show for happiness. We learn so little from peace.” – Chuck Palahniuk, Diary

Happy memories fade away so quickly.  They need to be constantly refreshed and replenished.  I think that’s why I’ve always shied away from “happiness” as a goal, or even something I try to appreciate.  Because I knew it would be fleeting, why have it become something central in life?

…but if you’ve found something in life that does end up refreshing and replenishing that reserve of happiness, does that mean I need to shift some of the tenets I held so dear?

“What do you want to be when you grow up?”

Thirty years into this life, I’m still trying to figure that out.  I wish that the answer could have come easily to me…but that’s just not the way I live my life.  It’s always been the path of most resistance, where obstacles translate into accomplishments and pain signifies success.

Maybe it’s time to change that…

Well…that was certainly a random collection of thoughts.  Let’s hope this post the beginning of many more…



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