In Life on October 5, 2011 by thebetweenthoughts

30 years on Earth…5 years in New York City…how the hell did that happen?

Since I moved a week after my 25th birthday, each anniversary of my tenure in New York City becomes a time of reflection on both my stay on this lonely planet of ours and on my experiences in one of the craziest cities in the world.  Obviously, this warrants a blog post.  =)

Expectation and achievement.

If you were to ask my parents, I’m an accomplished person – college degree, MBA, well-paying job – and well on my way to a successful life judged by the typical markers that society deems important.  But I expect more out of myself.  I am thankful for all that I have achieved and I am fully aware of all of the stressful days and nights that led to where I am right now.  But I expect more out of myself.  I worked so hard during business school to finally obtain the position that I had envisioned at the beginning of my two year alcohol-filled journey.  But I expect more out of myself.

I just don’t know that exactly I’m expecting.

I moved to New York City to explore my creative side.   To throw off the shackles of corporate life.  To finally become the person I thought was within.  That exploration ended prematurely and I slowly slid back into the structured and predetermined life from which I walked away.  I have made valiant attempts to cling on to that creative dream with writing workshops and forays into stand-up comedy, but I know that the window I created for myself has shut.

So, who am I now?  Am I a consultant, a stand-up comedian, a writer, or just one of the many whose dream has died in New York City? (Wow, this blog post quickly turned into a pity party…let’s try to liven it up a bit.)

5 years in New York City.  I’m honestly surprised that I have survived that long given the recklessness with which I have lived.  I have enjoyed every moment though (well…maybe the better way to say that is that I have no regrets).  I came to New York not only to realize a dream, but also to explore the the boundaries of what life could hold.  I have pushed myself to my limits and I have teetered on the edge.  Anyone that has met me during my time here can attest to my willingness to experiment and to expose my vulnerabilities.

“Live every day as if it were your last…”  It’s a cliche, but as I enter this new decade I think this may be my new motto.  I honestly never thought I would make it to 30, so I’m treating this like I’m playing with house money.  What’s the point in holding back…in restraining yourself…in not living?  The pressures of business school pulled me away from my earlier passion for life.  How can I reclaim this?  What do I need to do to find the person that moved to New York City on a complete whim?

I miss that version of me.

Apparently, this posting has turned into a random collection of thoughts with no real coherence….or point.  But if you were expecting that, then you really haven’t been following my blog.  ;P

A few thoughts on love.  I never would have guessed that I would be single and 30.  There was a time in my life where I was known as Mr. LTR…long term relationship.  Love and the search for The One used to be an all-consuming pursuit.  Somewhere along this NYC journey, my life focus shifted from discovering and understanding love to discovering and understanding myself.  (I am nothing, if not completely ego-centric.  =P)   I am no where near accomplishing this goal, so I guess love will have to stay out of my grasp for now.  Does that mean I’ll avoid my typical misadventures with love?  Of course not…I mean, I have to entertain myself (and others) somehow, right?

What will the next phase of my life/NYC adventure hold?  There’s no way I could have predicted the events of the past five years, so it would be silly to guess.  But I can promise you all one thing – it’s going to be an entertaining ride.

Happy Birthday/Anniversary to me!



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